A COURAGEOUS domestic abuse survivor has spoken out about the abuse at the hands of her former partner and urged other victims to seek support before it’s too late.
‘Louise’ revealed her nightmare in a bid to highlight the support on offer for victims and to continue to move forward from the abuse she suffered – we have withheld her real name for her safety.
The brave mum has collaborated with city writer Mike Stafford for six articles on his website which detail the abuse she endured and the impact on her and her family, particularly her children.
In the pieces she outlines her abuse from the inside, how it became violent after her abuser lost emotional control of the relationship and the effect of ‘gaslighting’ – where the abuser manipulates the victim psychologically by making them doubt their own sanity.
Louise said she decided to speak out as she felt victims were still too scared to get the support and help they need for a subject which people don’t speak about enough.
“I’ve got a voice, I feel like I am quite a strong character. Without being able to talk about it I wouldn’t have been able to heal properly,” she said.
“The emotional impact it has on you is great and being able to do something positive out of a negative situation has helped me move forward.”
After living together but separated for a while, Louise said the relationship became ‘very emotionally unstable’ which quickly turned to physical violence.
“That was the point were I thought I can’t stay in this situation anymore and I opted to leave with my children,” she said.
“I’m very lucky because I had somewhere to go but many women don’t which is why they stay because they are stuck in a situation where they can’t get out financially, they worry how the children will cope, they worry about staying somewhere and their safety when they leave.
“I wasn’t scared about leaving, my fears were more for my children. Those fears were preyed upon by my ex-partner and he used it as a way of regaining control of me. I knew I had to go but it did delay me going to start with.”
She hopes more will be done to address the ‘confusing’ advice given to many survivors and hoped her coming forward would make more victims aware of the help and support on offer.
“I know many women are in the same situation, they are trapped either emotionally or financially and they might feel there are no options but there are, staying in that situation is not good for your children,” she said.
“Once you seek the support its amazing how much is out there, even if you don’t have a penny to your name there are ways of being able to get support and physically move out of the home.
“Every abuse is different, every scenario is different and every abuser acts differently so there is no uniformed way of all the agencies able to work together to support the family.
“From experience it won’t improve it will only get worse, if you don’t make a change you could end up in a worse situation that you are in.”
Visit https://faithfulpundit.co.uk/louises-story for more.
* If you are worried or frightened by your partner or ex-partner, a family member or someone close to you, please call West Mercia Women’s Aid on 0800 980 3331, lines are open 24 hours a day. Visit www.westmerciawomensaid.org for more
